One Day, It'll Be Me
by lily day
Summary: Lee muses about his relationship with Neji. yaoi implied sex.
1. Wanting you to be mine

Lily: this was an idea that i've been toying with for awhile. i finally decided to type it out.  
  
  
One Day, It'll Be Me...  
  
  
I bite back a moan, but it's no use. He already knows how much I like it. He's smirking as he moves against me. God _damn_ him. How can he do this to me? How can he make me hate him so much, but want him so much at the same time? How can he make me feel so good and so ashamed? He knows I hate this but I want it so bad... want _him_ so bad. I can't help but shift my hips along with his thrust. His smirk is growing even wider.  
  
I remember the first time he did it.  
  
We had been fighting, as usual, when he grabbed the front of my shirt and ripped it off me. I yelled at him, shouting that I had liked that shirt. He only smirked at my rage. God... that _look_ on his face, like he knew something that I didn't, like he was withholding candy from a weak little child. I _hated_ that look.   
  
I rushed forward to attack him. He flipped me over, shoving me face first into the dirt. This form of humiliation wasn't new to me, but his fingers slipping under my waist band was. I squirmed and shouted, trying to get away. He only tightened his grip and pulled on my clothes harder. Finally, when I was left wearing nothing, he... he... I tried not to cry or make a sound, but I think, at one point I may have sobbed out his name.   
  
When he was finished, he pulled on his clothes, gave me an unidentifiable look and left me laying naked in the dirt. I lay there for awhile, still coming to grips with what had just happened. I pulled on what was left of my clothing and went home.  
  
It was like that every time afterwards.  
  
We would fight and he would take me, wherever we happened to be, in a clearing in a forest, in a dojo somewhere, it didn't matter. Although the settings changed, the aftermath never did. He would give me that same strange look, not a condescending look like the one that accompanied his smirk, but a slightly lost and -maybe I'm imagining it- regretful look. He would leave me there on the ground to sort out my very tangled thoughts.  
  
Why did he _do_ this? Did he do it just to torture me? Did he do it merely for pleasure? Did he actually like, maybe even _love_ me? if so, why didn't he _tell_ me? Would I have believed him if he did?  
  
If anyone had told me beforehand that, one day, I would actually be wondering if _he_ loved me, I would have punched them out right then and there.  
  
Judging by his treatment of me in any other situation than that one, I would say he did it to toy with me and that he was a sick bastard. But when he did do it... it was the things he said to me that made me wonder if he might love me. How he said that he loved the way I looked, loved my thick hair, loved how it felt in his fingers, loved my dark eyes, loved my pale skin, loved the way I felt, loved the way I always fought back, loved the way my spine felt under his touch, loved the way I tasted, like ginger and white wine.  
  
How can you love so many things _about_ a person but not love the _person_?  
  
And then I ask myself the loaded question.  
  
Do I love him?  
  
And the answer is never an answer.   
  
I'm falling in love with _parts_ of him but my mind is still rejecting the fact that I may be falling in love with _him_. I love some of the obvious things about him, but I also love the different things about him. I love his long hair, love how it feels sleeker than silk, love his delicate features, love his mirror-like eyes, love how gracefully he moves, love the flat and angled planes of his stomach, love the way he tilts his head when he's listening, showing the curve of his neck, love the way he will always be my challenge to beat, love the way he makes me feel, like I'm weak and I hate that but I like it because then I want someone to take care of me and make me safe and he does that even though he never stays and never says he loves me and I hate him all at the same time.  
  
Hate the way he makes me feel.  
  
Love the way he makes me feel.  
  
Want him to feel the maddening helplessness and desire to be loved that he inflicts on me _every_ god damn time that he _touches_ me like that.  
  
Want him to know what it's like to be defeated, taken, broken, forgotten and _love_ how it feels.  
  
One day, it'll be me. _I'll_ be the one to win. _He'll_ be the one trying not to cry and sobbing _my_ name.  
  
One day, Hyuga Neji, one day...


	2. Wanting to make you happy

Lily: i decide to do a follow up. eh. I may give this a happy ending, or i may not...  
  
One Day, It'll Be Me...  
  
I pulled on my shirt and jerked the sleeves straight. I turned to look back at the other boy. He was still laying there, naked, on the floor where I had left him. He just stared up at me with his dark eyes. He looked so betrayed and mournful that I wanted to go back there and hold him, make him better.  
  
But I didn't.  
  
Because if I did, I would never be able to let him go.  
  
It all started because I couldn't let him go.  
  
He was my team mate, my comrade, my rival, my obstacle. At least, that was how it had started. I thought I hated him. I hated his open emotions, his diligence, his determination. He could express emotion. He could love people. I could not. Cold, hard Neji could never love anyone. But warm, bright Lee could express a rainbow of emotions at any given moment.  
  
I wanted to be able to do that.  
  
The fact that he was almost as good a fighter as me made it worse. Fighting... that was _my_ specialty. I was good at it. People wanted me, needed me because of it. I was _needed_.   
  
But then _he_ came.  
  
He took that away from me. He was happy. They could socialize and converse with him. He was a friend to them. They were afraid of me. I was merely a tool to them.  
  
At first, I wanted him to know how it felt to alone, empty, unwanted. But soon those feelings were twisted and perverted. People needed him because he was strong and warm. I needed him for the same reasons. He was the one who took them away from me, took _their_ love away from _me_ and now, for some twisted reason that I have yet to understand, I wanted _him _ to love me.  
  
He became my obsession. There was so much I loved about him. I loved how thick his green hair was. I loved his dark, heavily lashed eyes. I loved how pale his skin was, making him look like some porcelain doll. I loved the pouty expression that he got when he was upset. I loved how he threw his whole being into the task at hand. I loved his smile and the surge of warmth that accompanied it.  
  
I loved _him_, god damn it.  
  
I wanted everything good thing about him to be mine and mine _alone_. I wanted all his love and warmth and brightness directed at me. He was _my_ Lee and no one else could have him.  
  
I remeber the first time I did it.  
  
We were fighting again. He was panting, sweat trailing down his face. He grit his teeth and tried to stand. Oh, God. Seeing Lee like that, weak and beaten but still trying to fight. I wanted to break him. Make him _mine_. Take care of him. Make him _happy_.   
  
I couldn't stop myself.  
  
I pulled his shirt off, tearing it. He shouted at me about how he liked that shirt. I did too, he looked good in it. But he looked even better _without_ it. He ran at me, still trying to attack. I knocked him over, forcing him to he ground. I came down on top of him and slid my fingers along the hem of his pants. He gasped and struggled but I held him down.  
  
He lay on the ground, submissive, weak, _mine_.  
  
I shuddered against his body. He was biting his lip, trying not to make a sound. I was _hurting_ him. I didn't want _that_. I wanted the warm Lee. I wanted to make him happy.  
  
I leaned towards his face and whispered into his ear. I love your green hair, the way it feels. I love your eyes, your pale skin. God, you feel so good, Lee. You taste so good, too. Ginger and white wine. Ginger and white wine. Ah, keep fighting. Never stop, Lee. I love it when you fight back. You give me something to conquer and control.  
  
But I never said I loved him.  
  
He whimpered and said my name.  
  
_Neji_...  
  
He made my name sound so sweet, moaned out like that.  
  
When I was finished, I re-dressed myself and turned to leave. Before I left, I took one last look at him. He was where I had left him. His eyelashes were trembling with the tears that he was trying to suppress. Confusion and betrayl raged behind his eyes.  
  
My Lee wasn't happy.  
  
Would telling him I love him, givving him a reason why I id this make it better?  
  
Would it make it worse?  
  
Does he hate me?  
  
Does he love me?  
  
I don't know the answers to the questions that run through my head after every time but I do know that one day, I _will_ make you happy.  
  
One day, Rock Lee, one day...


	3. Being happy, being mine, being in love

One Day It'll Be Me  
  
  
I had finally come to terms with my emotions.   
  
I loved Hyuga Neji.  
  
And I would tell him.  
  
He was more important than my shinobi way, more important than the chuunin exam, more important than _life_ because he _was_ my life. He was everything to me.  
  
I would tell him.  
  
I would show him.  
  
He was always harsh with me. Using me for his pleasure and leaving me broken, with no way to heal myself. Worst of all, I kept coming back, kept wanting more in the hopes that he would one day heal me.  
  
I wanted him to know what it felt like to be empty.  
  
I would give him the feeling that he gave me an then I would give him the feeling I had wanted. I would make him better, heal him, make him whole.  
  
I swore it, on my Hitai Ate band, I swore it.  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
I wanted him again. I had been trying to keep away from him but it was so hard when he was so beautiful and I loved him so much.  
  
Rock Lee, do you know the pain you cause me?  
  
Every time you cry when I take you, my heart breaks. I never wanted to hurt you. I don't know why I continue to. You're so perfect I can't help myself. I lower you to my level. Lower than dirt.  
  
I challenged you to a fight that day and you accepted, just like you do every time.   
  
Why do you keep _letting_ me hurt you?  
  
Hurt myself...  
  
Hurt us both...  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
Neji pushed me down as he was fighting me. Pushed me down into the dirt like always. Heji sat down so that his tail bone rested on my hips.  
  
Now.  
  
Now, I would show Neji.  
  
I rolled us over so that I sat on Neji. I noted the shock on his face.   
  
I had never been dominant before.  
  
I leaned down next to Neji's ear and whispered those three simple words.  
  
_... I love you..._  
  
Neji gasped as I began to show him and give him everything that I had ever wanted.  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   
  
Those words alone, from Lee's lips talking to me, meaning _me_, those were enough to send me into ecstasy right there. But Lee had more in mind.  
  
He kissed me.  
  
Not like I kissed him, harsh and bruising. Lee kissed me softly.   
  
_So_ softly.   
  
So softly that it hurt, so tender that it bruised, so gentle that it dragged all my love for him to the surface and I couldn't help but return his softness.  
  
Couldn't help but return those words that he had given me.  
  
I love you.  
  
  
The End  
  
Wish I may  
Wish I might  
Hold you close  
This very night  
  
Although I wish  
It won't come true  
But you still know  
I love you  
  
I'd give anything  
To make you smile  
To be there  
Even just a while  
  
But I can't  
Your so far away  
But you still know  
My loves here to stay   
~ Jason Avina (Happy Squirrel) written for Lily Day  
  
  
  
Lily: wow. I finished this... the poem at the end was written by ny sweet jason. he's on my favorite authors list.  



End file.
